i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
