Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
