This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
