Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
