This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
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THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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