Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
