how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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