I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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