1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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