Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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