Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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