Umm I'm too high to move.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wear drunk well.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
