its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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