College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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