Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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