Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can you bring me the toilet please
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
