I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
