i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
