yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
