she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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