Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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