I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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