You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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