Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
