I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
