Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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