OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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