i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
