I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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