It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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