I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
