You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
then he tried to convert me to islam
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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