Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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