I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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