I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
