I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
