I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
