I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
