Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
