I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
