So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
