come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
