Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
