I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
