Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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