There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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