And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
