I want to make a zoo with you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
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getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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