Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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