yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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