you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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