I'm eating all of the evidence.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
