dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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