i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
