I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
