we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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