$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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