just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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