I must be too annoying 4 u.
In the future we'll all be gay
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
