I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
