Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
