She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
