he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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