well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
