once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
